(no subject)

[prodigaljaybird]

Not for the first time, Jason thinks that if it weren't for Bucky's hardass cardio class, he'd be crawling out of his skin by now.

He's gone back to his grave no less than three times, stood under the shadow of that enormous fucking monument. Brought no less than three times the amount of explosives it'd take to blow it up, too, but he hasn't done it. Not yet.

But he's going to. Sometime when...when it won't make things worse. When it'll mean something's over, not just beginning, not the start of some new anger inside of him that he'll want to keep feeding, need to keep feeding. Sometime when the sound of it, the violent burst of it won't make Lux cry.

He itches for it, expression dark more often than not, brow drawn down and mouth a thin, flat line, sneakers traded back for his heavy boots, beating hard against the jungle floor when he walks away from his hut. He doesn't realize he's headed for Tim's until he gets there, more wound up than when he started walking, and he thinks...he should probably leave. That he's no good to people when he feels like this, not to the ones he can't punish, and he's punished Tim enough. But he can't take this shit back to Bucky, and he's not taking it to Lux.

Exhaling as evenly as he can, Jason sinks onto the edge of Tim's porch, sits quietly, and tells himself he's resting, not waiting. If his brother's got any luck left, Jason'll be gone before Tim ever looks out the window.

Comments

[liestobatman.livejournal.com]

Tim looks sideways at him before rolling his eyes, picking his legs up from the edge of the porch and folding them, hugging them with his arms. "A few times, yeah. Enough to know I should probably stick to crime fighting." He grimaces at that, feels a little too much like Bruce and not in any of the good ways. "The common denominator in your failed relationships being you and all."

[prodigaljaybird]

"Really?" asks Jason, letting the rest pass as part of his brother's particularly stubborn brand of melancholy. "Like a steady girlfriend and everything?" He raises a brow. "You sleep with any of them?"

[liestobatman.livejournal.com]

Looking at him sideways again, this time with a squint, an annoyed look on his face. He hates that question, probably because the answer is embarrassing, or embarrassing for the way people take it. Like it's sad or lame, and maybe it is but Tim's never felt like it was as important as everyone else makes it. There's always something else to do.

So he doesn't answer, not outright, looking away and blowing out a sigh. "Sure Jason, I devoted my massive amount of free time to it."

[prodigaljaybird]

Jason grins, something in the huff of Tim's breath that makes him lean over, shoving at his shoulder. "Hey, this Robin never got laid either, not until - " Until Talia, and Jason's gaze goes distant for the briefest of moments.

"But hey," he says, eyebrow arching obnoxiously, "A place with nothing but massive amounts of free time. That sounds really hard to come by."

[liestobatman.livejournal.com]

Another huff, this one a laugh, because he has to give Jason that. Let him make the joke, tear the excuse down, but Tim doesn't know how to answer. How to talk about it without sounding ridiculous, stupid. The class dork all over again, the kid who struggled with his early undercover gigs and tried to remember things he'd seen and heard in rap videos.

God, that was a nightmare. This should be less of one. "I just don't know if I care," he finally says, which is honest enough. There's probably a point where not caring means something, but he'll leave that up to Jason. "It's never been a big deal to me, like something I had to hurry up and do."