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May. 23rd, 2011 10:03 pmNot for the first time, Jason thinks that if it weren't for Bucky's hardass cardio class, he'd be crawling out of his skin by now.
He's gone back to his grave no less than three times, stood under the shadow of that enormous fucking monument. Brought no less than three times the amount of explosives it'd take to blow it up, too, but he hasn't done it. Not yet.
But he's going to. Sometime when...when it won't make things worse. When it'll mean something's over, not just beginning, not the start of some new anger inside of him that he'll want to keep feeding, need to keep feeding. Sometime when the sound of it, the violent burst of it won't make Lux cry.
He itches for it, expression dark more often than not, brow drawn down and mouth a thin, flat line, sneakers traded back for his heavy boots, beating hard against the jungle floor when he walks away from his hut. He doesn't realize he's headed for Tim's until he gets there, more wound up than when he started walking, and he thinks...he should probably leave. That he's no good to people when he feels like this, not to the ones he can't punish, and he's punished Tim enough. But he can't take this shit back to Bucky, and he's not taking it to Lux.
Exhaling as evenly as he can, Jason sinks onto the edge of Tim's porch, sits quietly, and tells himself he's resting, not waiting. If his brother's got any luck left, Jason'll be gone before Tim ever looks out the window.
He's gone back to his grave no less than three times, stood under the shadow of that enormous fucking monument. Brought no less than three times the amount of explosives it'd take to blow it up, too, but he hasn't done it. Not yet.
But he's going to. Sometime when...when it won't make things worse. When it'll mean something's over, not just beginning, not the start of some new anger inside of him that he'll want to keep feeding, need to keep feeding. Sometime when the sound of it, the violent burst of it won't make Lux cry.
He itches for it, expression dark more often than not, brow drawn down and mouth a thin, flat line, sneakers traded back for his heavy boots, beating hard against the jungle floor when he walks away from his hut. He doesn't realize he's headed for Tim's until he gets there, more wound up than when he started walking, and he thinks...he should probably leave. That he's no good to people when he feels like this, not to the ones he can't punish, and he's punished Tim enough. But he can't take this shit back to Bucky, and he's not taking it to Lux.
Exhaling as evenly as he can, Jason sinks onto the edge of Tim's porch, sits quietly, and tells himself he's resting, not waiting. If his brother's got any luck left, Jason'll be gone before Tim ever looks out the window.
